The Last Note

A tingle, a vibration, a voice
It shakes you, your thoughts, everything
It moves through your body
It brings back memories and curiosities
The simple complexity, the sheer perfection
It's all been discovered, it's all been done
Sharper than fear, deeper than pain
Stronger than anxiety and much
More moving than depression
More fulfilling than wonder
It chides you, it intrigues you
It floods you with inspiration
It brightens the worst days
It brings out the you inside of you
Tells a story, calms the storm
Helps you find your personality
Not to be over thought and
Not to be learned, studied, or taught
Simply to be felt, to be heard 
And maybe not to be fully understood
Perhaps better left half in mystery
Not to be revised or changed
But to multiply, to continually create
To be new and different, every time
Every new creation unique
And yet, all the same, all linked
A feeling of awed wonder
As fleeting as the thought, and yet
As eternal as the emotion that it conveys
And with the last note holding out,
It gives you chills and goosebumps
The melodies blending with the harmonies,
The working together of feelings and thoughts
You wish for it never to end, the release,
The escape it provides, is something to hold on to.

Numb

How do you describe a feeling

That cannot be felt

I can sense its filling presence 

It seems like an emotion 

Or perhaps the lack there of

Once again my only language fails me

It's not the same as feeling nothing

And while it does not hurt

It prevents positivity from entering

My life craves happiness

I lack adequate vocabulary

This is not like emptiness

Perhaps this is the way 

And maybe this is right

It shuts out many problems

It gives my mind a rest

But I do not feel like myself

It's as if I am somebody else

I wish to speak with no one

Although the silence is getting eerie 

But I long for our fellowship

And happy memories and thoughts

But even though I miss you 

I can't bring myself to talk

It's like when your hands 

Are frozen and shaking cold

You know when they thaw

That there will be pain

But in spite of this

You warm them up anyway

Because this feeling is not one 

That you'd like to have

The numbness of cold

Could only ever be bad

The unfelt feeling 

Is a feeling all the same

There is never an answer

Nor is there a conclusion

I just pray this numbness

Is not here to stay

Because I believe in the fact

That I cannot live this way

The Outside

It's difficult here 

Here on the outside

There is a wall between us

One that I cannot break

I cannot climb or jump high enough

Something in there has hurt you

I can't protect you

I can't even see you

This uncertainty is killing me

And there is nothing I can do

For I am stuck 

Stuck on the outside of your wall

I could walk all the way around the world 

There would be no way in

I can't tunnel under for the earth would cave in

This is so hopeless you are still trapped within

The outside is hard but I cannot compare 

I'm sure it is harder whatever you're facing in there

You must have it worse 

This all feels like a curse

Take me instead

They're damaging my friend

This is your fight

I am unable to join you

But when this is all over

I'll be waiting for you

The outside is tough but that's where I am

For the time being I'll do what I can

I'm sorry I cannot be useful much more

I'm waiting out here with needles and thread

For when you come out, you may be torn

I'll sew you up neatly from your toes to your head

I'd do this for you any time my dear friend

And from the outside my love I send

Welcome To The World

For those who don't know

I will try to go slow

Just do what you're told

Conforming is gold

Welcome to the world

Where all adults lie

Where teenagers cry

Where small children die

And nobody wonders why

Where kids are victims of rape

Where we cut for an escape

Where we want to end our lives

With our ropes and knives 

Where tears are shed 

Where goodbyes are said

Where it seems we've all lost our heads

Where depression is the monster under the bed

Where we all want to die

Where we never ask why

Where we go with the flow

Where expectations are low

Welcome to the world

The Enemy

She stood still in her silent bedroom

A tear ran down her cheek 

The ruthless words of her mother

The verbal beatings from her father

Still rang in her ears

She stared into the mirror

Her enemy stood before her

Looking straight into her own eyes

She searched herself day and night

Relentlessly striving to understand

What she had ever done wrong

The tears were flowing steadily

She knew not what to do

There was no longer any joy in her life

Her lips had forgotten how to smile

A common thought crossed her mind

I must be a terrible disappointment 

I am useless I am worthless

I am a waste of oxygen

She fell down into bed

She wanted to be dead

With the covers pulled up over her head

She cried herself to sleep

The Passionate Boy

There once was a boy

Whose feelings were strong

They bubbled inside of him

But stayed under control

He lived his life

As a normal kid would

And then one day 

It all went so wrong 

The world began to crumble

He cried every night

He hid it at school

His mask was a sight

And then, he found

A book, leather bound

A book filled with words 

And feelings and thoughts

So one day he sat

At his desk with a notebook

And slowly but surely

The boy started to write

He wrote poetry and prose and

other things he knows

It was more than a hobby

Or a once a day thing

It was a beautiful addiction

An escape from his life

He described all of his strife 

And nobody knew

For he kept to himself

And he keeps all those notebooks

In the corner of the shelf

The Mask

Alone and crying

Your body shaking

As you sob so violently 

You remember

That you have places

At which you have to be

They don't know about your pain

Or that you're going insane

Nobody knows

You must hide the tears

As you have done for years

You put on the mask

And make sure it's straight

You go out into the world

With that mask doing it's job

All of your friends

And all of your family

See the mask 

And believe this non-reality 

This imaginary personality

And when you're alone in your room

You'll take off the mask

You'll write on your arms

And you'll climb into bed

And you'll sob and you'll cry

Because you're in too deep 

And no one around you
 Will ever know why

Restless

Tossing and turning. 

Sighing and trying.

Staying up all night,

Wondering if you were right.

Ideas churning,

Serenity burning.

Everything is coming to the surface.

Through your mind the problems race.

Unable to kill time.

Try to put it out of your mind.

Remembering it all,

Into sleep you cannot fall.

There is no relief .

The covers you go underneath.

All of your tears.

Your paralyzing fears.

You flip over your pillow again. 

Sweating and worrying then.

You sit up in bed.

What's wrong with your head?

Staring at the darkness,

You realize that you're restless.

           

Unique Freedom

Freedom may not

Exist in our world

It is a lie a joke

A fake

The freedom that does

Exist here is in

A different form

Though many do not

Understand and many more

Cannot find it

Whether they try or not

It takes a special

Kind of person

To discover the freedom

And peace 
It feels so real

As you turn the pages

Those who understand

Dance across each paragraph

With joy and pride

They find their new

Unique freedom

Peaceful wonderful

Magical freedom

Cut Off

No time

For feelings

Cut off

From thought

No room

To savor

The reason 

The meaning

It's over

Too soon

Just let 

Me sit

And think

Understanding

Will come

With time 

And care

I just

Want time

To wonder

And try

To see

The point

No time 

For feelings

Cut off

From thought

Old Friends

Old friends are like a soldier's dog

The soldier may disappear

Be gone for a long while

Come back months or years later

The soldier may look different

Feel different

But the dog will still

Serve his master

Comfort his master and

Love his master

Old friends are like an old photograph

You may be having a bad day

Or a bad week 

Or a bad year

But then you see them

And you are flooded

With happy memories and

Old jokes

And thoughts of other old friends

Old friends are like a wall clock

Sometimes it ticks loudly

Sometimes it's very quiet

You may move it around your house

But it is dependable 

It is always there

Whether you think about it or not

Whether you decide to check your phone instead

You'll always be able to hear it when you want to

It won't quit on you

Old friend are a gift

Valuable and rare

Old friends are not something to lose

When the world crumbles around you

They'll shelter you

Pick you up

Dust you off

Tell you to keep going

Hold on to your old friends

In The Corner Of The Bookshelf

In the corner

of the bookshelf 

Sits a box

Unopened for years

So many memories

Some treasured

Some torturous 

Inside of that box

You'll find

A beautiful book

Its pages are worn

The corners bend back

The cover's so faded

You can't even read

The title

They loved that book

That he used to read

At bedtime

To get her

To fall asleep

A book filled with love

And joy

And happily ever after

Who knew 
that these lovely
Memories with her father
Would one day come back
And relentlessly taunt her
He would tuck her 
In blankets
And start reading the book
Her eyes would get heavy
With the sound of his voice
And too many times
They did not finish the story
She was off to sleep
In her own fantasy
And now
This book
She won't read
To her daughter
For no one could do it
As nicely 
As father

The Wordless Agreement

I released her from a final embrace.
She was going on a journey.
The inevitable four year journey.
She looked at me.
I looked at her.
We shared a mutual thought.
A message.
We spoke without speaking at all.
I met her eyes.
A silent promise.
A wordless agreement.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
She turned and left me standing there.
She did not dare to look back.
She entered the building.
I bit my lip.
I clung to our agreement.
Our telepathic promise.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.

The Monsters

Don't let the monsters win

Don't even let them in

On your pain they feed 

Don't give them what they need

They tend nest inside your fears

Oh how they love to see your tears

They are watching you right now

Don't you dare give in to doubt

When you try to run or hide

They'll capture you and you'll be tied

It will not matter if you've cried

They'll swallow you with lots of pride

Don't let the monsters catch you kid

Avoid the shadows they live amid

The Silent Worker

 The silent worker is in pain

Only her eyes explain

Though you do not see it

Though she keeps it secret

Pushes herself toward the edge

Falling over a secret ledge

You don't want her to fall

You don't want her to die

But there's nothing you can do

And you don't know why

She won't fall to the depths

She's more powerful death

She covers up by lying

No one knows that she's been crying

You won't even see her sighing 

For she's too strong to be dying

While her mask is out there beaming

There's a girl behind it screaming

But at night under the bedding 

All those tears that she is shedding

Facing her problems  all alone

Because it's all she's ever known

She's stronger than the rest of us

Just working through the syllabus 

She's stronger than us all

She's never going to fall

The silent worker is in pain

Only her eyes explain